I know the omnipresent God that I am serving is observing me.
Watching. Every move I make
Every step I take.
Tells me to go right, but I go left.
I know that it’s wrong, but I can’t help myself.
I know He watches me as I dress
And press
Every kink from head.
Sees me slip on the lace bra and panty set
My sexiest one dipped in red.

I feel His breath on my neck as He begs me to stay.
“Make love to Me instead in Our own special way.
Through your worship and your prayers.”

I shake His voice from head
Grab my cell phone
My keys
And a pair of spare underwear.
I head for the door
Wanting nothing more than to escape for one night.
To run away to place so far where He finally can’t reach me.
Where I can be me.
Free to make decisions and deal the with consequences of my own choosing
Without the guilt and regret that comes from being chosen.

I sip the wine to unwind and ease my mind,
But really it’s just to quiet the voice I always hear inside.
I start to feel the liquor as I start to feel him lick her
and it feels so good.
Now, I’m on my knees doing exactly what I do best:
Please.
And it feels so good.
It feels so good to watch him climb on top.
I wrap my legs around his waist and whisper
“Don’t stop.”
I close my eyes.
he slides inside,
And I beg for more.
I look up at Heaven through the ceiling and the sky’s floor begging
Please!
Don’t watch this.

My heart is racing.
My knees are shaking.
I clench my teeth and grip the sheets
As I orgasm over and over again.
And it feels so good.
For now.

But, soon my pleasure’s consumed by guilt
As I feel the weight of my sin settle in.
So, I shift the blame and pass the buck.
It’s not my fault I like to…

Make love.
It’s not my fault; it’s Yours.
Why did You have to make it feel so good?

A single tear slides down His cheek.
“My fault?” He laughs.
“No daughter. It’s the fault of your ancestors of long ago
It’s the fault of your flesh that desires to grow.
It’s your fault, but I take the blame.
Because it feels so good to remove your shame.
And it feels so good to hear you call My name.
But without conviction, there can be no repentance.
So I sent my son to die
So you can try and try and try to get it right.
And it will feel so good and I will be so glad
when you finally realize
That I was,
and I am,
and I will always be
The best you ever had.”

2 thoughts on “The Best You Ever Had”

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